I wanted to share my story. I never really felt comfortable doing this before because most people don't understand. Its nice to have a place to come to now to share my story of loss and miracle. I hope it gives some others hope and encouragement that there is sunshine after the storm.

On April 1, 2015 my husband and I lost our first baby when I was 40 weeks and 3 days. It has been by far the most difficult thing we have ever had to endure. There isn't a day that goes by that my heart doesn't ache. Each day gets a little easier, but there will always be a void in heart with his name on it. The only thing that gives me peace is that I know he is being taken care of in heaven with all the other amazing babies and children who left too early.

In October of that same year I took a positive pregnancy test. We were timidly excited for the prospect of another baby. However when I went in for my ultrasound sound at 10 weeks, they found an empty sack. I had what's known as a blighted ovum. My heart sank again.

We had been through so much that surely we thought it couldn't happen again so we kept trying. In May of 2016, I had another positive pregnancy test. I was experiencing all the symptoms and thought that this had to be our rainbow baby. Again, we were heartbroken. At my 9 week ultrasound, another empty sack. It was my second blighted ovum. While we were going through all this pain the closest people to me were having babies. It made it so incredibly difficult and I wanted to be happy, but was so heartbroken that it was extremely hard to celebrate with them. Those two years were the most emotionally and physically draining years I have ever experienced. It has taken me almost two years to feel normal again.

We decided to try one more time in September 2016. We got pregnant our first month trying. Again, I took a positive pregnancy test. This time though I found a new doctor and had my first ultrasound at 5 weeks. I prepared myself for the worst, but instead as I laid on the table, my miracle was on the screen. There he was the perfect embryo growing. This pregnancy was much harder than my first and I had such high anxiety towards the end. However, my little boy was thriving and my weekly appointments helped so much. My new doctor scheduled an induction and my little guy was born 1 day before his due date on June 7, 2017. My husband and I kept saying all night "all I want is to hear a cry" and cry he did! My rainbow baby is my everything and I know that his older brother watches over him every day.

I hope that my story gives hope to you ladies who have experienced loss and are trying to pick up the pieces and do it all over again. It's hard and there will be days were you just don't know how to go on, but there is a reason why rainbows show up after the storm and yours will come. Don't lose faith and hope, this community is here for you during all life's journeys. Thank you for taking the time to read about experience and honor my sweet baby boy Nolan (April 2, 2015).