Today I'm a bad Mom

My daughter is will be 14mo on Wednesday and she's the greatest adventure and my entire world and I am beyond grateful for her. She's a very intelligent and string willed baby and generally listens to me very well for her age. This week I have been spending full days in training seminars (normally I'm only away Tue and Thu and she has been fighting a pretty nasty cold. Poor thing. Awful timing, as always. Nights have been particularly rough - she gets horribly congested and none of what we do works and then she can't nurse because of the congestion and it just makes her hysterical.

Today I am in an awful mood. I had a chance to get pregnant this cycle and didn't, and now won't be able to try for quite some time. Understandably upset. She seemed to be better this morning but has been fighting her nap for the last 2 hours. She has been doing everything in her power to get her way: screaming and crying and thrashing her little body and trying to hit me and just make here point. She's in that state of not feeling well and not knowing what she's wants and yet wanting to get her way.

I tried over and over to soothe get and just finally lost my shit. I raised my voice at her and just sat her down in the corner of our bed and let her scream and thrashing about and just ignored her. I try not to tell and to be there for her when she's having a hard time and I just can't today. I'm exhausted from this week and upset and am being an absolutely terrible mom to her.

Been in a fowl mood ever since this happened: she's finally calm and playing (still didn't take her nap!) but I'm just in a really bad mood and being really "distant" - like she's playing and I'm nearby going about my business. Normally I try to carry on "conversations" with her even when I'm doing stuff around the house but today I'm just at my wit's end with all the hysterics.

I guess just needed to vent.