**Please note before reading this Im not asking for opinions on spanking, everyone parents differently and to each their own** I have a step daughter who is 2 weeks shy of being 4. I've been with her dad since before she was 2. Lately she has been acting out at our house and her moms house. We have her every other weekend. At our house she does things she knows she shouldn't, or gets an attitude with dad. We spank or use timeouts as forms of discipline. her moms house is where our problem is. She hits her mom and talks horrible to her, and today when she went back home she spit in her moms face and laughed about it! Mom won't spank(shes afraid of spanking too hard) but she does timeouts. There is good communication between her mom and us but we are at a loss on what to do. Timeouts and spankings aren't effecting behavior at moms and her behavior towards her mom is getting worse. We want to be a team and show that we won't tolerate her treating mom or anyone else like that but don't know how to get that message across since she's so young. Any advice or suggestions?!