If you have clicked on this post, I hope you find the time to read the whole thing.

This may be the only post I make on this subject, because it's hard for me to write, just as much as it's hard for me to live it.

I have multiple chronic "invisible" illnesses.

They are not me, and they do not define me, but they are a large part of my life. A part of my life that I try to hide every single day from strangers and the people I love.

I have been seeing multiple doctors for years, with no precise diagnosis.

Not to say I haven't been diagnosed. Just that the diagnosis's I have are currently just something they have thrown in at the moment while still going through numerous tests and seeing multiple specialists.

I feel that a part of my long journey to obtain any diagnosis has been hard. In part because of the doctors I was seeing, and also in part because of me.

I have had doctors see me and tell me they don't know, and not test me. I've had doctors tell me I'm making it up, so then I would go months trying to believe them, every day still a struggle, but fighting to be "normal". Then something drastic would happen that would negate the fact that it was all "made up in my head".

I fight every day to just "exist". I get massively depressed because of my symptoms. I am currently on a week and a half of feeling horrible, like I have the worst flu imaginable.

I feel like I'm not allowed to cry, that I'm supposed to stay strong and fight because I have children.

But last night, after burning the most simple dinner imaginable, I broke down.

I'm tired of just existing. I want to live.

You'll never know who has this. Who has an invisible illness and how it affects their life, and if you do know someone who does have one, take the time to call them and tell them you love them. That their fight is worth it to you.

Because you will never know how much they are struggling to just not end it all. End all the pain, the sickness, the weakness, the flu like symptoms, the fatigue, exhaustion.

I am now extremely tired from just writing this, so off to bed I go again. I hope that in some way I have helped.