In honor of Infant Pregnancy loss!💜💙❤️ my story of loss

I found out at 20 years old that I had PCOS. My doctor told me I wasn't ovulating normally, so he would put me on a dose of Clomid. So after my first round I found out super early at maybe 3 weeks , I was pregnant. Unfortunately the pregnancy ended on Christmas Day , due to the my progesterone not doubling any more it just dropped. So My next appointment my doctor said couple months we will start another round of Clomid. So in April 2014, I started my second round of Clomid. June 19, 2014 I found out I was pregnant. I called my doctor & they were able to schedule me for my first OB appointment within 2-3 days. First thing was blood work , Bc of the previous miscarriage he was concerned I would go through the same thing before (my progesterone dropping). My progesterone was great & at 5 weeks our little baby had a heart beat of 132. 😊 everything was going great .!For the first 7 weeks I went every week for ultrasounds & blood work. In August when I was out of the 1st trimester, we moved to monthly visits , he said I was having a normal healthy pregnancy. In September we found out we were having a little girl, we also discovered that I was at risk for pre-eclampsia ! My blood pressure was pretty high , so my doctor thought maybe a blood pressure pill would help it stay down. So the next few weeks I was back to weekly appointments & blood pressure medicine.

On October 7th,2014 at 20 weeks to the day, I noticed after using the restroom that I was leaking what I thought was urine, I was with my mom so I asked her & by the time I could say anything here comes another gush of water. My mom says call your doctor. So I called my OB office & they told me to just go to the hospital & meet my doctor. I get to the hospital & they immediately took me up to L&D; Triage. Once I got to triage they hooked me up to baby monitors & started taking my blood pressure , urine samples. Once i was finished being examined my OB came in with the ultrasound tech. He examined me for about 2 minutes & the. He says do you wanna see your baby? So I look at the monitor & my little girl was being active & had a heart beat of 157. So I think okay , she's fine . I just peed my pants. My doctor then told my husband & I , that my water did in fact break, when my water broke, my baby girls foot came through the birth canal, so she was ready but we were not. 😔 At this point in the state of WV a baby isn't able to be revived until 24 weeks. So basically there was no hope for our baby girl.

The next morning, October 8th. We started my labor with pitocin at 730 am. My doctor thought I would be in labor for the majority of the day, since it had been around 19 hours since my water had broke. After about an hour or 2 , my doctor came in & seen I was in horrible pain, I was dizzy & nauseous. My doctor requested we call for the anesthesiologist to give me epidural. Before the anesthesiologist could get to my room , my doctor decided to check & see if I had dilated anymore. When we started pitocin at 730 I was only 1cm, 915: I was at 2cm. When he checked my cervix at 1020 I was already at 10.😨 so without any pain med I delivered a 10.5 oz Baby Girl, she was born at 10:37 am. She was born sleeping, she passed away sometime between late night early morning. She was so tiny , she looked like a good mixture of my husband & I.

After everything was over & I was alert& not droggy from the meds, I finally was able to hold my sweet girl & the only thing I could do was cry. I cried Bc I was heartbroken, my little girl that we had been praying for was gone, & there was nothing I could do it about. I was depressed I had so many unanswered questions. 😔

Yesterday, 10•8•17, would of been my sweet girls 3rd Birthday & after 3 years it still is never easy. I still think about what she would look like, if she would be outgoing like her dad & I. Or would she be shy. Only god knows the reasoning for things happening the way they did. I will never understand the purpose or reasoning, but loosing a child surprisingly taught me a lot. I feel stronger & prepared for what ever comes my way.

I believe in the power of prayer & I believe that one day I will have my rainbow baby, it may not be when I want it to be , but it will happen!💙💜❤️💚💛🖤

In loving Memory of our Angel Baby!

Ja'Niya Marie Gilmore

10•08•2014