Okay..If you’ve been through this or anything like it, I could really use some uplifting advice here...

I was with my fiancé for almost three years.. he was my best friend, my lover, my soul mate and just this year he became my daughters daddy. We gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in April, so she is now 5 months old. Her name is Kelanie. ❤️ We were in the process of remodeling a mobile home together, we started that in September last year. Unfortunately we made the mistake of moving into the trailer while working on it therefore nothing really got done.. we started fighting about the smallest things, we were constantly stressed out.. then the new year came along. Let me take it back for a minute, when I met my SO he was addicted to heroin and Xanax. I’ve never messed around with hard drugs or prescription pills, all I did was smoke weed. I told him we would never be anything more than friends if he didn’t give everything up..well he got sober and we started dating and yeah. Anyway, 2017 rolled around.. I thought it was going to be an amazing year. My baby girl was due in just 4 short months, we planned on getting married this year, we were both doing great at our jobs (we both worked for his parents. His step dad owns an HVAC business and his mom owns a cleaning company) they had talked about passing them down to us so we were learning everything. Well, the trailer we moved into just happened to be in his home town..his home town where all his old friends live..the ones who got him addicted to drugs.. the middle of January I had caught him getting pills off of someone..that was when I should have ended it..because it only got worse from there. He started lying to me, hiding stuff from me, taking money from me that I would set aside for bills, the baby, groceries.. I always found out. Always. You’d think he would have learned that and stopped hiding stuff from me, but he didn’t. It just got worse. A couple months ago our fights started getting physical..he never hit me but he got close. He would pin me against the wall or the floor..he would shove me or throw stuff at me, but he never hit me..unfortunately I did hit him and I’ve always believed that if a woman is going to hit like a man, then she deserves the same treatment. Obviously a dude knows his own strength and should take it down a notch, but you get the point. He started punching holes in walls, breaking stuff..he’d never been like that before. That’s what attracted us to each other so much, it was how calm and cool we both were. We never yelled, never fought, never really even argued.. so that’s how I knew he was doing hard drugs again.. I started going through his phone, tablet, got the passwords to his accounts..I caught him. I caught him buying and smoking meth..I caught him buying and shooting up heroin.. as soon as I read the texr about the needles I went over to him, grabbed his foot, ripped his shoe and socks off and there they were. It made me so sick. I threw up instantly. I grabbed my daughter and I put her in her car seat and got her in my truck to leave. He followed me freaking out because he knew I was done, even though I’ve threatened to leave and have left but always came back so many times he knew I was done this time. He wouldn’t get out of my truck, i kept telling him over and over again to get out. I wasn’t yelling, at this point I was at that calm angry stage. He acted like he was going to hit me but I just say there..I didn’t think he would actually do it, until I felt it. He punched me in the face, right in front of my daughter..my head bounced of the window he hit me so hard..I jumped out of the truck, I was about to beat his ass but I didn’t want to leave Kelanie. So I called 911. When I told him I was calling the cops he took off running. And I havent seen him since..that was last Tuesday.. he ended up in jail on Sunday.. after wrecking his grandmas car and being picked up by the cops walking down the road..

I don’t know how to do this.. I don’t know how to be a single mom. I have had him helping me the last 5 months with everything and now I’m just freaking out.. I have my mom, but it isn‘t the same. She’s already raised us kids, I don’t expect her to get up and help me when Kelanie won’t sleep..I don’t expect her to keep her home when I need to run a few errands and don’t want to keep getting her out.. it’s really hard and I don’t know how to be strong when i feel so weak.. I just need to know that it gets easier..