I've been having a hard time lately. Back in December, SO and I found out I was pregnant. I was scheduled to have my first appointment on January 13. About a week before, I started having some really really light brown spotting. I tried not to worry as I knew my appointment was coming up. Sure enough, I was told that my baby had no heartbeat. I was given the option of us waiting to see if I would pass the tissue on my own, or I could just have the D&C performed and have everything scraped out. I chose to have the D&C. I thought about it and new that I could be bear to see and pass the tissue on my own at home. After a year and a half of trying, I had finally conceived. I couldn't even think of having to flush tissue down the toilet. I feel unworthy a lot. Like I took the easy way out. That I shouldn't be allowed to say I had a miscarriage or a baby. My SO always tells me how strong I am and that he's proud of how far I have come. But all I see is a coward.