today as I laid in bed I thought of you..how I hope your doing well. wonder how your boys are doing. how's life being a big time chef? I almost text you back...almost. but I didnt..I couldn't. I've finally gotten to the point I can think of you and it doesn't hurt too bad..but I knew if I talked to you that hole would be ripped right back open. I'd have to go through the whole heartbreak phase again. even after a year I still think of you..picturing what could of been. we are both with diffrent people but yet you still try and talk to me. it's been months and you just pop up again. I can't do it anymore..I can't keep holding on to your words..I have to let you go..at some point..it's nights like tonight as I sit by myself I wonder what would of happened if you chose me. would you have showed me the love I wanted? come home every night eat dinner and watch a movie with me? take me out to the beach on the weekend? I wonder if the love I had for you could of grown? if even after 5 years together you'd still be able to make my heart jump. they say that's what happens when your in love..I wish so hard to be in love like that. to love so fully and without caution. I wish you loved me.