I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, we have 2 kids together. he is so mean to me sometimes. I cook, clean, watch the kids, I do his errands. all he does is smoke weed all day on his ass. he quit his job. I've been looking for one. we live with his mom and are on welfare. he wants it to stay this way. I don't. I'm trying to make a living for myself and get off government aid. we always argue about him smoking. it gets bad to the point sometimes he gets violent. he broke down our bedroom door right now at his mom's and said I have to pay for repairs because I locked it and sat behind it to keep him out. he tried kicking me out but I'm paying the rent with my cash aid. he's not paying anything. he's called me a fat bitch says he hates me wants me out of his life, nobody likes me, I'm unwanted, etc. he makes me hate myself sometimes. I've tried to kill myself twice and have been hospitalized twice. I love him so much,I just want to be perfect so he can love me and stop being so mean to me. I just want to be loved. I don't know what to do. i just need help before my kids lose their mom for good. I'm only 20 and have been diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 11. I just want to be happy. but I can't let go.