I am really struggling. I had twins almost 3 weeks ago. My pregnancy was technically high risk but I worked my butt off to have a picture perfect pregnancy...until at 36 weeks one twin was deemed too small and they told me I needed to get induced. My induction ended 24 hours later in a c-section. Both babies needed NICU time. I felt like I failed them. Like I should have kept them in longer. I should have advocated to delay the induction. Now we are all home but they never learned to latch so we struggle with breastfeeding. I had never considered NOT breastfeeding. I am working with a very experienced lactation consultant and keeping a grueling schedule of trying to latch, bottle feeding, and then pumping x 2.

I really fell apart today when my LC officially diagnosed me with low milk supply. I feel like a total failure. I feel like I can’t do what’s best for them. I’m totally frustrated that there’s nothing else I can do for my supply. I’ve tried all the weird foods, supplements, and pumping. I know babies are the best stimulant but mine can’t/won’t latch. I think the diagnosis today is spiraling me into PPD. My husband means well and wants to support me but doesn’t know what to say. I pretty much cried all day. We switched them to a new bottle to try to break their bottle preference but it’s just making them spit up a lot and get frustrated so here I am again with the guilt. I promised myself I’d stick it out for 6 weeks but I don’t know how to make it another 3 like this. If I quit now I think the guilt would be even more overwhelming. I don’t think think there’s any answer, I just needed to get this off my chest and I’m hoping someone else can understand. Will I ever stop feeling like a guilty failure??