It’s just after 6am and I’m feeding my son Elijah. The day before yesterday me and his daddy broke up so I’m just sitting here wondering what’s next for me. We have 6 kids between 9 and almost 4 months and I have recently been affected by the benefit cap which means I’m paying the majority of my rent out of my benefits, plus all my other bills, plus trying to provide for 6 kids. This happened to me before and I had to go and find work which I was reluctant to do with an 8 month old at the time... Now it’s evident that I will have to do the same with my baby who is not even 4 months old yet. The truth is, I love working... I just wish I didn’t have to do it when I’ve barely made a bond with my baby. The children’s dad does work but he’s only just started so he hasn’t been payed yet, I’m waiting to see if the fact that we’re not together will affect him helping out with the bills and rent here... time will tell. Plus if I’m able to get a job I will have more of a social life. I’m originally from South London and I was moved to Kent where I know no one, have no friends and now I have no car as it was seized for an outstanding bill that I had no knowledge of. At least if I get a job I can save for a new one too! I feel so alone and isolated. I have my mum to talk to but I just hate anyone knowing my business like that because they’re all so quick to judge me. They already don’t like the fact that I went on to have baby number 5 and 6 so once they find out that we’ve broken up again I will never here the end of it. Well anyway, it is what it is. Just got to keep on moving forward really. Christmas is gonna suck, my 30th birthday is next month which is gonna suck because I just wanted to spend it quietly with him but now I’m going to spend it by myself as I still don’t want any fuss. Anyway, here’s to the future... I don’t know what lies in store for me but whatever comes my way I’m ready to face it head on.