Miscarriage #2 - I’m devastated

I’m absolutely heartbroken.

A little backstory to my situation. I am 42 (will be 43 in February). I met my husband in 2012 and we married June 2016. (He is divorced and has 4 kids.)

Easter Sunday (April 16) we had a positive pregnancy test. I was so over-the-moon happy that we told family and friends that day. My labs were not the best so I had to use progesterone suppositories. We found out there was no heartbeat on May 4. I miscarried on Monday May 8th.

On Monday October 9 we had our second positive pregnancy test. Again labs were not good. And I started an oral progesterone pill. By Monday October 16 I was told it would not be a viable pregnancy. I miscarried on Wednesday October 18.

I have had very several family members and friends reach out and tell me about their miscarriages. But no one is in my situation. They either went on to have kids or already had kids. No one is like me...no kids at all — not even my husband.

I feel very isolated and heartbroken that I will not get one of the two things I have always wanted. Being a wife was number one. Everyone around me gets to do it. But not me.

I fear that due to my “advanced maternal age” that it will not happen. And that makes me a failure...as woman and as a wife.