I was in a relationship for a little over a year. I struggle with a little depression and a lot of anxiety. I didn’t have many friends when we were together and I felt really alone. I eventually got depressed. My anxiety then kicked in and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him because I was depressed and he deserved better than that. I just became super confused I didn’t know if I was happy with him. I thought the only way I could know for sure was to leave. I soon realized that I was a million times more depressed without him in my life. But when I left he got really depressed and started doing some stupid things like drinking and smoking weed every night. After about a month We eventually started talking again and said we were going to try and work things out. The next couple weeks where filled with lots of tears from both him and I. But we worked through a lot too. So when he didn’t stop drinking and getting High all the time I obviously knew it was my fault because I left and made him depressed, and I don’t know what to do. Because I want to be the reason he is happy not weed or alcohol. Because I don’t want that in my life. (At least not every night.) But I want him in my life. So that’s one of my problems right now the other is this...The other day he told me he was going to go drink with one of his friends. I have anxiety so of course I was pretty worried about it but he reassured me that it was only going to be him and his friend on the mountain. Before telling me it was only gunna be the two of them I was in the heat of the moment and I said something sarcastic along the lines of if you’re gunna go party then I’m gunna go party. He got really upset and said “you’re really gunna risk what we’ve been working on? Just to go party with some random people and guys that are going to be all over you?” I then told him I wasn’t really going to and that I was messing around being stupid and that’s when he told me that it was only gunna be the two of them and he said if you go drink with a friend I wouldn’t be mad. The next day we went into the city and had a really great time together we went to dinner and a haunted house and it was great. We got back and he was in a really big hurry to get home and go to sleep because he had to work in the morning. And I mean he was in a real big hurry he didn’t even say goodbye to me. I woke up the next morning to find his friend posting a picture of them together at 2 in the morning. I was a little upset and asked him why he was in such a rush to get home he wouldn’t even say goodbye to me at 11 but he was with his friend till 2. It turned into a pretty big argument and he started ignoring me. I got off of work and asked if we could talk and he said I’m sorry I just don’t think it’s a good idea tonight. (Keep in mind this is the night he was supposed to go drink with his friend). Me and my friend bought some beer and had a girls night we sat in her room talked and drank. Just like he said he wouldn’t get mad if I did that. When I was drunk I tried texting him, he ignored me because he thought I was with guys and he was mad. And I eventually looked at his Snapchat location to see where he was (I know I know but I was drunk and I have anxiety) I saw he was in a couple towns over where usually people go to hook up with random girls because that’s where all the “sluts” live. I was to drunk for it to really click in my head. The next morning I looked at his friends Snapchat story to see that there was a picture of them with two girls. Then it clicked and I instantly knew. I texted him and said please tell me you didn’t do anything with that girl and he said I love you I can’t lie to you I did. He slept with her. He cried to me and apologized a million times and said so much more I don’t have time to type it all and I said I might be able to forgive you eventually but right now you’ve lost all my trust and it’s going to take a lot to get it back and if it ever happens again you’ll be completely erased from my life and you’ll never hear from me again. It hurt me a lot though. I just feel like I’m not enough for him. That’s why he slept with her. That’s why he drinks. And I’m just really scared and lost with myself and idk what I should do about it all... I love him more than anything I can’t go back to how it was without him.