hi, no I'm not the cheater, or husband stealer. or the slut. no I'm the "you can leave if you're unhappy" as I breakdown silently praying he/she won't leave. I'm the "I'm sorry, I'm so annoying." the "I'm sorry for being sorry" the "suicidal over a break up" because "break ups" aren't really 'necessary' for suicidal thoughts because we're just supposed to grow up from our lover and grow a pair of tits/balls instead of crying and panicking. I'm that girl that says everything bad happens to me, though it's true others "have it worse" yes there's no need to push it I already know. I'm the girl who's gonna be afraid to love again if he leaves me but I won't stop him because he'll deserve to be happy. Sleepless nights, sorta just wanna be an alcoholic (no driving). kinda just wanna say fuck all.

would it be that difficult to let myself be happy? I don't understand when people say "stop 'acting' sad" like why would I want to act like the worst emotion besides anger?? or when said that its not bad or I was just happy.. no sweetie. sorry to break it to ya but I can't help how I feel. trust me I tried! pills, hospital, faking, therapy,etc. done and not completed. just tired of dreading on this break up that hasn't happened. just signs pop up everytime I finally clear my mind. I remind him if he is unhappy he can leave but he just says he loves me. idk I do believe him and I am really struggling with my depression as it's trying to convince me nobody does. sad thing is I wait everyday until night where he becomes sweet saying he loves me and I'm his world...I live for it. it makes me feel so much more. #ihatemebutstilllearningtolovemyself