Idk i kinda need to vent and this app was what came to mind and i just came across this page. This is my first semester of college and im living on campus, the past year has been really rough, with 2 people who i knew decided to take their lives (separate occasions), one of them was one of my closest friends. But it has been almost a year since my friend died and ive just been very sad lately, i had a really awful break down about a month ago and i really felt like i didnt belong and i just really wanted to be dead and it would just be so relieving to me and everyone around me. But i eventually calmed down but since then i feel like my close friends dont care about me at all anymore, i kind of already accepted that times may change and we might not be as close in the near future, but idk even tho i "accepted" it doesnt mean im okay with it i guess, im just sad i guess. Ive smoked weed almost everyday this week in attempts to make me feel better but it kinda makes me feel like a piece of sh*t because i never wanted to be a person who smokes all the time and it makes me feel so lazy and unproductive, also i heard it can make depression worse (my first depressive episode was when i was 10 yrs old). Im sorry if i made anyone sad but i kinda just wanted to put these into words, maybe no one will even read all of this