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Maybe it's the guy? Maybe you just aren't attracted to him like that anymore. 😕💕
Why do I hate sex, and how can I change it?
I am 17 and have been with my boyfriend over two years. When we first met, he being older than me I just went along when our physical relationship developed quite quickly. I can't say I didnt like it, but it was always him initiating.
We had some problems later on and the physical intimacy stopped all together. I have always believed in abstinance anyway and I really really really REALLY don't want to get pregnant so I used this as an out and we just did not have sex.
Now, problems resolved for a long time, we are emotionally closer and happier than ever. He's my best friend and I love him very much, but he has recently been asking to start being physical again and I can't.
I don't know why, but I don't desire sex. I have enjoyed it in the past, but that's if I can get to that point. Most of the time simply being touched or kissing for too long just makes me feel... Uncomfortable I guess. I've never really desired sex, but this is worse. I can't be physical without needing to pull away.
I don't like this. I mentallly want to have sex with him and be that close again, but I cannot physically bring myself to it. What can I di about this???
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There's a few options you have. You could try to get your sex drive up by masturbating every day or every other day. And for as long as you can stand it. (That's what I did, and it took a few weeks to be able to have sex comfortably, and it took a few more weeks to crave sex without being stimulated, but it worked) You can see a therapist that specializes in sexuality and sexual relationships, although you might have to be 18, depending on the place. A regular therapist or counselor could also help, but sometimes they're not very qualified with situations like this.You could go slow and wait it out, although this may put a strain on you or your relationship, and it mah not get better on its own.You could do all the above, and try to jump start your sex drive.With any option you choose, you need to talk to your boyfriend about what you're feeling, or her may think there's something wrong with the relationship and that you're unhappy with him.
Ni
Thanks for all of your help, I might try that. I have googled reasons for it, but it always brings up menopause and the like and I'm pretty sure that isn't the issue! Thanks for your advice!
Me
One other thing you can try (this is a little obscure) is a certain practice for achieving orgasms. Basically you put yourself in a very vulnerable position with your partner, and allow your partner to gently (very very gently) stimulate the outside of your body until you become aroused. The position most people use is propping up pillows around them (for security if you have anxiety) and laying naked on the floor or bed. Put a pillow under your lower back and have your partner sit by you (most couples entangle their legs together for security) and then your partner rubs the outside of your body (clitoris, thighs, legs, stomach, breasts, etc) until you become aroused.
Me
counselors cannot tell your parents or anyone else about your sex life. They only things that they can tell your parents about are things that might out you or other people at risk. (such as self harm, suicidal thoughts, violent tendencies, or plans for violence). If you're worried you can always ask your counselor what they have to keep in confidence. Anxiety could be part of it. Mental illnesses affect sex drive just as much as the rest of you.
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