I don't know what to think

I just need to get this off my chest. My whole life I have been uncomfortable around boys and the idea of a relationship was terrifying to me. I was 11 years old the first time I got unwanted attention from boys. I was at summer camp and two of them kept following me around and making inappropriate jokes. I told my camp counselor and she told me "It's just because they like you, you should feel flattered. It's cute". So, that is when I learned that even if a guy is making you uncomfortable you should still like it. But I never did. Guys would ask me out all the time and I always said no out of fear. I never dated, even family members would ask me if I was gay because I never had a boyfriend. The truth is when a guy showed interest in me I immediately felt pressure to please him physically. It never occurred to me that a guy would be gentle or take things slow. It never occurred to me that my body wouldn't be all they were after in a relationship. I would have panic attacks when a guy got upset after I told him I didn't want to go out with him. In college I started dating someone (now my husband) and when we first started having sex I would cry and never knew why. When I first started living alone I couldn't sleep at night. When I closed my eyes I could see someone opening my bedroom door and I would have another attack. I would get chills, cry, vomit, and have to call my SO to talk me down. But I never slept at night. It was always the same image that kept me up. Then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. The image was the view of my camp dorm room from my bed. We had an odd number of girls so I didn't have a roommate. We were staying on a college campus so we were in dorms with only two beds. That summer was also the summer my anxiety and sleep paralysis started. They say that children that experience trauma will often block or repress the memory so it can't cause them anymore pain. I don't know what happened, or if anything even did happen. All I know is fourteen years later and I still can't sleep alone without the feeling that someone is on the other side of my bedroom door. I know I need to talk to a therapist but part of me just says i am overreacting because I have no memories of a trauma. I don't know how to cope with something I can't remember and maybe didn't even happen. I just needed to vent, I'm sorry this post was so long. If you made it this far, thanks for listening to my story.