To start off, I'd like to say that we aren't together..

We've been seeing each other for a little over 2 months. I'm 18, he's 21.

We can't see each other every day or every week because we live 2-3 hours away from each other.

From the first day that I met him, he has always acted the same. I guess he was sweeter in my far back memories from when we first met.

He would make me sleep on his chest and hold me at night. Which he still does. He would hold my hand while I am asleep or sat next to him. He does that a lot less now. I guess he's less affectionate now.

But that's not my main concern..

He's a really strong guy, 5'8/9, 171 lbs and I'm a skinny girl, 120 lbs, 5'6. Compared to him I'm nothing.

At first I kind of liked the rough side but now that I'm thinking about it, i think it's wrong.

He holds my wrists down. He will also hold my arms in a way that if I moved I could potentially really hurt myself, the only way he will let go is by making me apologise to him for no reason.

We haven't had sex before because I don't want to and we're always in the company of others. But i have told him that him being in the gym 24/7 scares me, and I don't like him being that strong, it worries me.

We could just be laying in bed and he will grab my neck and lightly strangle me. He also, absolutely wanted to put me in a headlock and flex his arms on my neck for 1 sec. I said no but I ended up letting him. Just for the one second.

Now that I'm home thinking of all this, I'm extremely worried..

The last time I seen him, my friend and his friend was there. We was all in the same room going to sleep, they were awake at the time.. Me and him were 'arguing', whispering I guess. But I was speaking in a normal tone of voice which he didn't appreciate so he put his hand over my mouth so aggressively and told him he didn't like the fact that I was 'shouting'.

Then I wouldn't have sex with him, he got frustrated, went on his phone while I faced the other way and went to sleep. (we don't use our phones when we're together, he hates it. he makes me turn off my phone or put it on the side, which i have no say in)

Anyways.. When he went to sleep I was feeling cold, I had only had a top on and my underwear so I sat up to grab my joggers and he woke up, asked me what I was doing, I then told him. He told me not to put them on, to get under the covers properly and made me sleep on his chest.

With him, there never is any compromise, he always wants it to be his way. Its frustrating sometimes.

Writing this actually kinda hurts because it feels wrong.

He says he is a soft guy, and I have told him he isn't. He play fights too rough, I can never put a fight with him, it's all starting to get to me.

He has said before that he needed to calm down a bit because he was a little too aggressive with me but in that case he wasn't so I told him that he wasn't.

I think I'm going to have a talk with him soon. What should I say to him. I'm not very good with words, people don't take me too seriously..

Also when I tell him to stop sucking on my boobs, play with my nipples or rub my vagina/try to insert his fingers there, he will start kissing my neck, carry on even though I have said no, and to make matter worse, he will bite on my neck so hard for at least a minute and continue to touch me sexually in an even more rough manner than before. Plus, I hate the feeling of being fingered and I feel like he thinks that by biting on my neck so hard I will forget.

Sorry if it's TMI but I thought I'd add it on anyway!

___________________________

After a week of not speaking, we finally spoke on the phone today but i was being so blunt and rude to him. I can tell he was getting annoyed. It was a 3 minutes conversation of me ignoring his questions. He asked why I had been ignoring him and not messaged him. I told him that I won't ever make the move to message him first. He asked me if even if I wanted to talk to him, would I still not do it, and I responded that he was right, I wouldn't. He got annoyed and said 'bye, talk later.'

These past 8 days I was trying to be strong and not give in because I know this relationship is wrong. Even when he's violent towards me, I think of the sweet moments that we had. I haven't given him an explanation as to why I haven't been very responsive.

I shouldn't have spoke to him, I was feeling fine. Convincing myself that I wasn't feeling lonely and now I miss him, I feel awful for being so blunt towards him.

I'm also mad because I feel like something might have happened last week. I know we was never together but we weren't seeing anyone else. The thought of him being at 2 parties last week makes me anxious but hey. I'm the one who decided to take my distance. He didn't know that when he went to these parties but at this point it shouldn't matter. Even if it hurts. I guess it worries me because I don't give him sex. I feel like he might have given in to someone else because of that. I couldn't even dare to watch his snapchat story because I knew I would see something I'd dislike.