Was I in the wrong?

Question

So long story short,
My boyfriend is in rehab, he desperately needed to go and he finally decided to on Thursday. He will be in there for 28 days and miss the birth of our baby which is due the day before he comes home (which is fine because he would be dead in a month if he didn't go to rehab) 
Friday, the day after he went in to rehab I had a doctors appt and they told me I need to be induced a week early due to the babies stomach measuring small. I told my boyfriends mom and the first thing she said was 'well don't tell Nick, it will make him want to ditch rehab early' obviously I don't want that so i agreed. He called me for the first time yesterday and told me he was planning on ditching a day early to witness the birth of his first born and he had already made up his mind on that. I figured since he was so sure on leaving early I should tell him that the baby is coming sooner than expected. Plus, he has a right to know the doctor's concerns with his son. Now his mom is furious with me telling me to 'grow up' blah blah blah but I think its wrong to keep something like that from him. Was I wrong to tell him? Should I have kept it a secret?

Answer

as a person with addiction issues who's been clean almost 2 years here's my 2 cents: he's not going to stay in rehab anyway unless HE is ready to get sober. addicts will use any excuse to leave. even stooping so low as to use the birth of their child. if he was really ready, he would stay and work his program and even do additional out patient rehab if it were suggested. and it wouldn't matter if you told him or not, he would make the choice to stay the whole 28 days because that's what a responsible, functioning person would do.... especially when a child is involved. is take care of their responsibilities. does that make sense? so even the fact that he already had planned on leaving a day early, even tho 1 day might not seem like that big of deal to us, to an addict one day is everything. so this says to me he's not ready to be serious about his sobriety/program.

Answer

Well keeping the birth of the baby from the father sounds pretty horrible too. How do you think he would have felt if you keep that from him? 
I understand her concerns as a mother but is just a complicated situation.

Answer

I don't think u should be with this dude period and he doesn't value his child or the birth if he continues to be a junkie so i wouldn't let him be a part of the birth at all but that's just me

Answer

He deserves the info on his child so I don’t think you did the wrong thing. If he’s not ready to be clean rehab isn’t going get him clean and telling him about his child isn’t going to change that. Keeping that info from him is more likely to harm his process of getting clean than him leaving early. He needs you and to know that he can trust you.

Answer

This is a subject that has no right or wrong answer. It's all gray. Each addict is different. To be honest though he shouldn't be leaving early no matter what. But like others have said you can't make someone to get sober. 28 days in rehab is just the beginning of what they need to do. If he is as bad as you say it will be a struggle for him much longer than that. He will need to change entire portions of his life. Including possibly friends, work, some family, even where he lives. It depends on his triggers and who is enabling him. You and his mother may even need to change things about your lives for him to get better.

Was I in the wrong?

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