So this is my story, I'm posting this just because its really effecting me with my pregnancy now.

when I was 18 years old I had my first miscarriages, wasn't too big if a deal for me at the time (sounds horrible I know) but it was the product of a drunken one might stand so in some ways I was relieved.

then this year I had miscarriage number two. that's when the grief actually hit me from not only this miscarriage but my previous one. I felt like my body couldn't work properly, I was terrified that I would never be able to carry a baby and this miscarriage was with my partner who I love so much.

I remember telling him and the look of pain he was inly 21 and I was (and still am) only 20. I remember the pain both emotionally and physically and being on my bathroom floor in tears. we named it shane (unisex name kinda) and tried to move on.

it almost destroyed my relationship. we then found out I was pregnant again. after having that decision removed from us and also there was the possiblity in both our minds this could be our one shot we decided to keep our beautiful baby girl.

I remember being in the 12 week scan and thinking 'i don't care if you have down syndrome or any other disability just please have a heart beat' and she did.

I'm still pregnant with her (35&4) and every time they do a check for her heart beat I hold my breath but its always there and always strong.

my problem is I have now found out she is breech, she still has time to turn but I'm freaking out. I feel like my body is going to fail me again, I feel like I cant even do the most basic biological process.

I'm so scared she will be born and I won't hear that cry or that she will be hurt in some way. I just want to hold my baby in my arms and I'm so scared I wont be able too.

I know this probably sounds stupid but the anxiety and stress is really taking its toll and I just don't know who to turn to any more. 😞

thanks for listening x