When I was younger I never wanted children. I didn’t want to go threw the pain of birthing my own and I didn’t want a man to have control over me and a little human. I hated the world and never wanted to bring such a precious little angle into something so nasty and rude.

Then, I turned 16-17 I started getting hella baby fever. I wanted a little mini me. I didn’t care who gave her to me I just wanted her. But I resisted. I started school, I got a job, I tried so hard to better myself so me and my future family could have the things we needed.

I met a 40 year old male. He was sweet, kind, loving, passionate...and I was 18. He made me feel special, and I wanted to make something out of nothing with him. He had a troubled past. Ex wives, drug addiction, but he held a job had his own house and I honestly thought he was doing better for himself. 3 months into our relationship he wants me to move in with him and start a life. I was innocent I figured that’s what he truly wanted from me. Was to start his final family with me (considering he already had two children) and i had fixed him.

It wasn’t like that. As soon as he got me away from my family he cheated all the time. He lied. He stole my clothes and gave it to his side bitches, my bed was used as his torture chamber while he kicked me out when he got bored of me. And so so much more. The mental abuse was horrid. But I still had hope he was a good man just a change of scenery fucked with him a little. 3 more months down the line....I find out I am pregnant. I was so happy!!!! I told him immediately and he seemed happy as well. Until I went to live with him again and he sneaks off to the bar while I was asleep to fuck his side bitch. I woke up at 5am 6w pregnant with him no where in site. I blow up his phone. Finally he answers. I ask when he’ll be home he says he isn’t coming home. We fight for about an hour and a half and I threw myself into a majorly panic attack. I ended up getting death threats from his ex wife (which is whom we were staying with) and his 15 year old ex step daughter. He sends me home at 6am 6w pregnant knowing no one was up at my house 1hr25m away....still sent me on my way. At 6w I was sleeping in an abandoned house in the middle of winter....I stoped talking to him. I didn’t let him know what was going on with our baby, I didn’t even let him know how far along I was after wards....

Then it happened. 9w (if I remember correctly this event seriously seriously fucked me up) I went to my dr appointment. She had a tiny heart beat and the cutest little body. She died the day after I went for my first ultra sound. I got to hear her heart beat once for 10 mins but never got to hold her. I got to see her but the next day held her lifeless body. I was destroyed. I went to the hospital they confirmed my miscarriage...and I sat in a dark hospital room for three hours bawling. I wouldn’t talk to the dr I refused to hear anything anyone said I just wanted my baby Aubrey.

Finally after 4 hrs Of me not saying anything they sent me home. The next day I ended up generating due to a physical fight with my aunt. I went back to the hospital I begged them to just let me bleed that I’d be okay... they helped me instead. I got admitted to the hospital, because I needed emergency dnc. N that’s where they took the last bit of baby evidence I had from me. I woke up from surgery bawling telling them if they leave the room I was going to jump from the window. Or if they sent me home I would kill myself. They took Aubrey the day of my miscarriage and just threw her in a cup like she was a science expirement, I didn’t get to say good bye. I hated life I wanted nothing but death. And I can’t explain the pain in any other way.

But let’s fast forward to a year later. (Not exact but pretty close) I moved to Florida from Indiana. Me and my mom cane down here on vacation. I met this amazing MAN that believe it or not is 19 and treats me better than a 40yr old did. Or anyone at that. We had been friends in high school, skipped a couple classes together. Hung out when I was around, and just enjoyed each others company. When I got down here for my visit, I ran into him again. He was so sweet opened the hotel door for me, listened when I talked, wasn’t tryna shove his dick in me. He genuinely missed my company and enjoyed having me around.

Now 6 months (almost 7 months) later I am 25w1d pregnant with our beautiful baby girl!!! Nova Saige Seidl and she’s just as precious and wonderful as I ever hoped ❤️❤️❤️❤️