I feel like my world has been crushing me alive. I fear as I wonder in bed if I can just survive. I feel like no matter how much I try I'm bound to repeat the same mistake in all due time. No matter how hard I work on myself. No matter how hard I try. I feel I can't get it right, this crazy thing called life.

I may work on myself to be more,  and to be better then I was yesterday. I may helplessly try to make the world a better place. I have nothing but my life to lose, so I try my hardest for my life, I try hard for my soul. But I think about where my heart once was, and deep inside there seems to be deep empty hole. I lose my hope when I'm around those that have grown used to their yesterday. That have given up the fight for a better tomorrow, who just live in what is just today.

I feel very sad, I feel melancholy. I feel quite depressed.I feel as though my heart is crushed inside my chest. I feel my stomach and kidneys grow tight and hold on, like their reminding me their there for me, just hold on. My body shivers and I begin to recall, the reason I feel like I have no place at all.

 My brain is on one hundred percent, with no telling where my mind went. Though the pain in my heart once a river, now turned to stone. The stabbing pain has made my sweet heart grow cold. My breath grows shallow and my mind wonders astray. I wonder if tomarrow ill have the streangth to stay. I wonder how and i wonder why, as I lay here in bed trying not to cry.

 I wonder if it will be over once I decide to be what I want to become. I try to drift away, counting sheep, counting dreams, but a peaceful sleep never will come. I pray to a god I don't believe in, to help me deal, to see the girl I can become.  I pray to anything that is out there, to help me on this road alone. I want to be an angel, like so many were to me, to come unknowingly in times or horror, to save me from one.To help in the only way I know how, to give my love and show I care, to be a light in the dark, but most of all I wish to be there for someone.

I'm tired. I'm drained. I'm exhausted. I'm done. I'm lying here as an emotional wreck. Trying to hold myself together not for myself, but for others. The help the ones I love, the ones I care for, to hold myself together and hope for return of that love.

To play with the strings but never learn to play. To dance in the rain, to dance In the sun, to dance when your all alone. To be so sad and all alone in the forest of dreams, is to die alone with so much of everything. All your knowledge will disappear, and your all alone and you can't share. As you think on your life, what went wrong, what went right. You realize things you couldn't see before. You realize that you've lost more then your sight. Your intuition tell you something's very wrong, what you don't know, but its very strong.