Let me start this off disclaiming that I have no issues with sex toys or porn or masturbation. My fiancé and I are very open with each other about these things (i thought).

We’ve been together for 8 years and engaged for just under 2 months. We currently still live at our parents’ houses and saving up to get a place together, as we’re still pretty young. He has a history of hiding some things from me, stupid but hurtful things, but we have grown from these mistakes and I have forgiven him.

About 6 months ago we were talking about spicing up our sex life. Not that it was getting dull, we just wanted something new. I suggested getting a vibrator/dildo and he was 100% on board, and he even bought it, along with an anal plug, which was a surprise to me but I tried it out and loved it. I keep those toys with me and occasionally use the vibrator part for my own personal use. We had a conversation about this before I started using it for myself, and he finds it sexy, especially when I let him know when I’m using it.

Last week, he told me to make sure the batteries were fresh because it will be a fun weekend together. I checked it, it broke. He ordered a new one, no problem. I signed into his amazon account to see when it was going to arrive (we have an open password relationship, I try not to abuse it but he was busy and curiosity got the best of me).

To make a long story short, along with this purchase, he bought a fleshlight. He did not speak with me about this, and had no intention of using it together with me. He bought this for himself.

He went behind my back, bought this toy for himself, and had no intention of telling me or bringing it into our sex life. The only reason why I am upset is because he had every intention of me never finding out about it. When I brought it up, he said if I want him to, he would return it. I asked him to return it, we should discuss this together before a purchase like this is made. We discussed my toys, I expect the same respect with his. He said he would return it.

He *would* return it, if he didn’t already use it. I’m not sure why this whole thing just feels like a punch in the gut. I’m an extremely insecure person and I fully admit that. He knows this and tries to build me up, but small things like this knocks me all the way down and we have to start all over again.

Am I overreacting? Would you be upset as well? The toy itself isn’t what hurts, it’s the lack of communication and the fact that he, yet again, went behind my back and did something he should have discussed with me before doing...

Post sex constipation?

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