Okay so... idk what kind of a response this is gonna get or if it's even going to get any response but I'm just so lost and unhappy.

My man and I got together in January 2017 and things were awesome at first. He's 26 now and I'm 20. He had a car and a job and an apartment and I was saving money living with my mom and working at her restaurant cuz I'd just recently moved from out of state. But things went south when an old roommate of his moved back in and he decided to move back in with his parents an hour and a half away from me. So that put a strain on our relationship. Then his car broke down and it's basically just not worth fixing. And he's just working part time serving at Chilis.

He's really sweet and kind and funny and we share some similar interests though our passion levels may not be the same regarding some of those similar interests. For example he goes to work, comes home and would rather play video games with his friends for hours and then pass out than spend time with me :)

Anyway, so I had been unhappy living with my mom due to some family drama, she kicked me out one night and I was going to stay at a friends place down the street but he insisted on picking me up and bringing me to his place, again, an hour and a half away. My mom didn't even expect for this to happen. She thought I'd be gone for a night and back the next morning. In reality, though, Ive been at his place ever since.

We had had some issues within the first few months of dating such as me leaving on vacation. He's very... needy. He needs a lot of attention. Yet seems to be fine with not giving me attention when something else is more important to him. Any time that he would be unable to see me for more than a few days it seemed to cause an argument. And I would always seem to be in the wrong. Then, after losing my job because of moving in with him, I got a job as a camgirl and I adore that job. However we don't see eye to eye on it. He put me down for it and threatened to leave many many times because of it. But because of abusive and controlling relationships in the past I stood my ground and told him that I wasn't going to let him control how I made my money and explained to him my personal stance on it and we have kind of agreed to disagree. Though I worry that it'll become a cycle as it has been where he'll seem to be fine with it and then be passive aggressive and then blow up on me again.

So now we've been living together and both working but I got super sick and haven't been able to work and he's just been... thoughtless lately. Like he doesn't think about me when he goes to the store or when he comes home he just wants to do what he wants to do which apparently is not spending time with me. He just doesn't seem as thoughtful as he used to be and I wonder if he's just comfortable or if he isn't interested anymore.

He's also really... not seeming to be as mature as I thought he was. He hardly feeds himself and when he does it's just processed food like hot pockets or fast food or something simple that doesn't require actual cooking. So that's all he ever gets when he grocery shops, and I'm not allowed to take the house car because it's technically not even his so I can't grocery shop and buy real food. His little brother also lives in his parents house with us (they don't live here though) and the house itself is constantly a mess. Dishes pile up constantly, there's all kinds of years of grime and dirt and bugs everywhere... the house itself is in a state of disrepair. I spent four and a half hours one night just cleaning the tiny restroom. And I don't think that he has ever spent more than a year or two away from home.

Which brings me to my next point. I told him I want to move within the next year. I'm going insane in this house and I'd like to go back to my home state. I miss it and the culture etc. he's agreed. However he seems to be taking no steps toward actually doing that. He gets excited over making a couple hundred bucks in a weekend and would rather spend the money on marijuana and video games or a new computer than putting any money away towards moving. Or getting a working vehicle that's actually ours for that matter! It's just frustrating. I mean, he's almost 30. He talks about having a family and starting our lives and stuff but then there's... alllllll this.

I just don't know what to do. I really care very deeply for him and I think he's a beautiful person and we do share good moments together and I know he cares about me a lot too...but I am so depressed with the state of my life right now. I feel like at this point in my life I need to be progressing and I want him to not only agree in words but in actions that we do need to progress. But I'm scared that won't happen. And I don't know what to do to fix it. When I try to talk about it, he turns it all back around on me and it makes me wonder if maybe this is all just in my head.

Someone please help.

Thank you 💕