Closed book

I’ve been struggling with depression for awhile and I just, ugh. I feel so empty inside and I push away the people closest to me. I want to tell my mom about it so I can, I don’t know, maybe get medication for it?But she’s such a mushy person who will try and hug me as if that will make everything better and I don’t want that. I don’t like talking about feelings or expressing them in a physical way, It pisses me off and I don’t really know how to explain it. Please don’t attack me🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️