Heads up. This will be rambling, it likely won’t make sense, but I have no where to turn and I must get this out before I combust.

Last month I was late, I never have a 35 day cycle, so I told hubs that maybe I could be. We’re in the process of purchasing a shop so he claimed he was glad I told him and we could hold off on the shop. But I could tell he was crushed; this is what he’s wanted since we moved here. So while part of me hoped my suspicions were right, part of me wanted to start so not to crush his dreams. Then the next day I started out of nowhere, cramps and migraine hit with a vengeance. It was kind of a whirlwind day with a whole lot of not good happening so when I told him I started it was a nonchalant, yet passive aggressive “oh yeah I started; get you your shop :)” To which he replied “🙁”. Okay, so that’s confusing. And of course I was upset so I cried my eyes out to my BFF, and in front of the one, beautiful perfect daughter we already have but pulled it together by the time he got home from work.

Thankfully my period stayed a little shorter than normal cuz my emotions were awful and I was honestly trying to keep my “crazy” contained since I wasn’t sure where we stood.

So now, it’s ovulation day. We got a kid-Free date night Saturday and had multiple sessions of mind blowing, long-overdue sexing. And this evening when bedtime hit, we started with amazing-we-never-make-time-for-this foreplay. But as we moved towards sex, I knew his mind was turning so I asked “What’s wrong?”...to which he replied “nothing...” with a large sigh and an eye roll. A bullshit answer so I stopped and return to my side of the bed. Being a woman I wondered “what I did wrong, who else he might be thinking about, why isn’t he into me, I know I need to start working out again, of course this is about the baby, then again probably not, this is about the shop, oh crap, what is it?” When finally he sighed, “I want to have sex with you, I really, really want to but I’m tired of trying when it’s obviously not working....I was really bummed when you told me you weren’t [pregnant].” Well okay then mister *cur tears and attempting to keep them bottled*

Well this could get long so I’ll keep it short here. He wants to talk, I don’t know what to say. We have one beautiful child, and he’s okay with that, and I should be too because I’ve been blessed. But I never imagined myself with only one. And he doesn’t wang me to resent him. But I’m ready to just call my OB and have my IUD replaced, and be done. The roller coaster of him is exhausting. This isn’t what I want. But if we can’t even have enjoyable sex on ovulation-day because of that elephant in the room, I guess I can be done. Even telling him I’m ovulating garnered a sigh from him. I’m confused. I’ll be sneaking into my daughters bed for extra cuddles and to hide the tears.

Idk what response I’m looking for here, but I knew I needed it off my chest and I have no one to turn to.