My sister in law’s sister was pregnant with twins and I personally knew her due to going through a BS program with her. Yesterday she went into labor at 22 weeks and they were unable to stop the babies from coming so she unfortunately gave birth to two baby girls who died shortly after being born early.

I wrote a letter to her but not sure if I should send it. I personally would have loved a letter from another angel baby mother. Here is the letter:

I know the last thing you want to hear is “I’m sorry for your loss” or even worse “ there will be other babies.” These words will sting and further break your already broken heart. Everyone will try to sympathize with you but only a Mother of an angel baby can truly understand what you feel like now.

I am a mother of an angel baby and although my baby was lost before 11 weeks it was my baby and I cared deeply for that life I carried within my womb.

I wish I could tell you everything will go back to normal or that you will feel whole again but in reality it never really does. Sure you will go back to work eventually and the sun will rise and fall but you will feel like there is a hole in your heart. Even when God blesses you with another chance to carry another baby it will not be the same as your first and there will be fear of another loss throughout the pregnancy.

The next few days are going to be hard and going home from the hospital even harder knowing your babies are not physically going too. Your husband and you will cry and you will feel like the both of you are in a boat floating in a sea of tears. Let your husband , family, and friends be your life boat and rock.

I want you to know “it’s not your fault”... I know you probably hear this already and it probably will sting everything some one tells you it too. I blamed myself for a long time and keep say “what if ...” , but in reality we truly never have complete control over our lives and God is ultimately in the driver seat.

As for what to do next, that’s up to you. I found talking to others to be healing even if they didn’t experience a loss of a baby. I found strength in going to church and in prayer to God. I planted a plant in memorial and celebrated the time I did have with them while in my womb. I cried as I put away the baby items I bought and keep telling myself I will use them soon with the next. Trying again soon was something I really wanted and I longed to “mother” something to feel like a mother but in reality I was already a mother and so are you but our babies are angel babies and although we can not hold them in our arms we can hold them in our hearts.

Should I send this? Add anything?

Update: I sent it to her but not sure when she will read it since she is still in the hospital and spending her last day saying goodbye to them. My brother still has to tell my niece and nephew that their aunt’s babies are in heaven with my baby so they have 3 angel babies watching over them. Brother’s kids are 3 and 7.