Is it platonic or romantic?

WARNING: LONG POST. I guess I just needed to get this out of my head and tell someone. I have this on and off crush on one of my guy friends (let's call him '?'). Sometimes I feel completely platonic towards him, and then sometimes it feels like more. I definitely love and care about him and I know that he does, too.

This past Halloween weekend, I go bar hopping with him and a bunch of other people. The plan was that I crash at one person's house for the night, but there were a lot of people to accommodate, so I was asked to crash at ?'s place instead (which I have done multiple times before, so no big deal). At the last bar (we were both very inebrieted) he said (as my addled brain recalls): he has a fierce love for me that he hasn't felt for anyone before and that I showed him what having a sister would be like and that I was the coolest girl he knew. (I know, he said sister.) All I do is giggle and smile, even though I could have easily said that I love him, too. So when we went to ?'s place, we crashed in his bed (something I've done completely platonically with other guys, so it's not a big deal at all).

This is where he sounds like a total 12 year old. ? just bought a huge TV and a ps4 for his bedroom and honestly wouldn't shut up about it all day. So he fires it up as we both sit on his bed. I'm half asleep while he's playing and we're talking. Then, when I can barely keep my eyes open, he starts holding my hand during the loading screens. Yes, I am in my mid-twenties and no one has held my hand before, so it was kind of a big deal to me. I was so tired and didn't know what it meant, so I didn't move. I liked that he held my hand, but I had no idea what to do about it.

I'm pretty sure it meant absolutely nothing, but it has literally been bouncing around my brain for 2 weeks and needed to get out.