Iknow I ain’t the same no more . I’m a slut . That’s what I think of myself . Idk ... I gave up my virginity to this one night stand . I can’t take it back but yeah . Then the other 4 guys I fucked was either one night stands or they pretended to like me just to get what they wanted . Like this guy I actually grew feelings for ... and he always comes around but he doesn’t really talk to me only when he’s drinking and stone . He only wants me when he’s drinking or stone . I’m tired of it ... being used as some kind of sex toy . Then there’s this one guy I fucked .. he was actually my boyfriend ... but after he got what he wanted ... he left me . He fucken left me . I actually fell in love with him 😓 he hurt me so much and what hurt the most was that he was thinking of his ex when we did it 😪 . I even saw him the next day we another chick at the beach ... I was tryna forget him then all of sudden I see him .. and ofc I would recognize him from afar .. he was shirtless and iknow where all his tattoos were at . Iknew it was him and it fucken hurt me to see him right after he dumped me . Idk since then that’s when I started messing around . I only messed around with one guy after him and that was the one I grew feelings for . The one I was talking bout earlier . Yeahh Him . What hurts is that these guys don’t even think I have no feelings . They just use me then ditched . I don’t want to fuxk another different guy but sometimes I just crave it sooo bad that I have a battle in my mind . I really want something real with someone . But I guess nothing good happens to me . I never dated a guy longer than a 2 months . And that guy that left me after he fuxked me .. well he was the 2 months . I fucken hate myself and I just wanna die . I’m sorry I’m writing this but I just need to let this out and you guys probably wont know whose this ... but I’m just a broken girl since childhood whose ready to go . I’m tired with life and I just wanna sleep ...