When to talk sex ed.

Question

I am a first time, pregnant mom-to-be. I also have a 9 year old step-daughter who's mother I get along with great.  However, her mother refuses to discuss how and when "the talk" will happen. Like, my SD calls her vagina a front butt and still believes in Santa. Usually, I wouldn't care. But she keeps asking difficult questions about my pregnancy. Like "Why did it take so long to get pregnant?" and "How were you pregnant before you took the test?" and "How will the baby be related to daddy and me if you are the one who is pregnant?". Her mom has always told her that babies come from Jesus when a married couple asks for a baby. My husband and I are not religious, and we prefer giving (watered down) facts. I HATE LYING TO HER! I am more of a "use the words vagina and penis responsibly, introduce the concept of sex in an age appropriate way, and answer any questions she has honestly" kind of mom. So what do I do here! Do they still teach sex ed in school? Maybe I'll get lucky and this will be the year?

Answer

I think your husband needs to get involved. If you disclose these things knowing full well her mom is uncomfortable with it, her mom will be PISSED. No bueno. Your husband needs to explain to his ex, as the other parent, that their daughter is asking a lot of detailed questions about the pregnancy and he feels that you all need to be on the same page. That you will have an age appropriate, not graphic discussion with her.  If you do it knowing how her mom feels, even though you're "right", there will be bigger tension between you and her. Your husband has the right to get involved, saying he doesn't agree with her parenting choice now that her daughter is older and asking questions.

Answer

There are lots of age appropriate books in the jv nonfiction section at the library. I got a couple for my two and four year old after we found out. One described it as being like a jigsaw puzzle "mommies have one piece and daddies have the other, and when they love each other, they can put them together". As I recall, the picture on that page was mommy and daddy snuggling on the couch, after kids are in bed, but fully clothed, like something they might have seen before. I though that was a very factual, but vague presentation. You could expand on that, that it doesn't work every time, and sometimes you have to wait for it to work right. I think that book was from the what to expect series (What to Expect When Mommy's Expecting, maybe?).

Answer

Tell her the truth. She is old enough to wonder those questions she is old enough to understand the truth. Her mother is sheltering her and that’s going to do nothing but hurt later on.

Answer

Your husband needs to try to communicate with her on when and how. If she doesn't agree then she will just tell your sd it's all a lie and she'll be mad. But also, you guys are also parents and your husband especially has the right to parent his child as he sees fit while she's under his care. I suggest getting age appropriate picture books. That way if the mother does say it's not true, she will have proof in her mind. Also, I wasn't taught sex Ed until 5th grade so it could be awhile before she learns in school, and you normally need a parent signature to sit through the class.

When to talk sex ed.

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey