My baby is 8 weeks old. He came 3 weeks early via emergency c section because he was breech, after a stressful pregnancy. He is cute beyond words and I love him...but he is an ungodly difficult baby. He has terrible gas and strains all day long. He screams and cries whenever he farts, which is about 100 times per day, or poops, both of which are very stinky, despite the fact that he's been breastfeeding. He has terrible acid reflux so he spits up after almost every feeding, wants to eat every two hours or less, and has pretty much every awful reflux symptom there is, including the grunting and groaning and moaning and not sleeping, chewing and making terrible faces from the acid in his mouth, bad breath, constant hiccups, can't lay flat...it's like text book. So he's miserable 90% of the time that he's awake, which means crying and screaming and really just not responding to us or interacting with us how I expected at this point. I have seen 3 different pediatricians who say he looks fine and healthy, and that he'll grow out of it, and they don't want to do anything to treat any of the issues, so I'm left with a screaming, miserable, in pain baby who I can do nothing for to console him.

So now, breastfeeding is awful because of the reflux and I feel like I must be giving him the gas, so I am about ready to give up on that. I saw a lactation specialist and besides over producing on one side, she said everything looks fine and good, he's gaining weight and my technique is fine. I've tried gripe water, it gave him diarrhea. Gas drops are minimally effective. He never wants to be put down but it has nothing to do with me. I honestly feel like he doesn't even like me.

I feel so, so indescribably bad that I am so miserable. My husband works out of town all week so it's just me taking care of the baby alone and I'm exhausted. I feel so bad for not being able to enjoy this time because I know I should. I know he won't be this little forever. I already look at pictures of how much he's grown in 8 weeks and want to cry. I want to enjoy it, but my frustration and anxiety make me think, I can't wait til this passes, I can't wait til he's bigger and can do this or that, etc. I don't want to rush it because I'll never get this time back but I'm just so overwhelmed I can't help it.

I guess I just needed to vent. I knew this would be hard. I just had no idea it would be this hard.