First heartbreak..... words can't even describe

Giving someone all of you just to be left with nothing but suicidal thoughts at the end feeling so empty telling yourself I am not worthy I am not good Enough. Loving someone unconditionally that you keep putting up with the same bs. Killing yourself inside to stay with that person just because that's the only way you will feel good about yourself living without them makes you feel empty since they took everything you have. Fighting over and over holding on to something so hard that you lose yourself..... were done I lost you and myself... where do I start now? I don't I give up and I keep reminding myself your not good enough your nothing nobody will ever treat you right! No one will love you if you don't even love yourself anymore... what happened to that beautiful smiling girl? Where is she? How do I get her back? Or do I just act like a cold hearted broken hearted girl? I want my old life back I want to feel happy I want to feel confident again and beautiful but I don't know 😭 I overdose on sleeping medicine just to sleep the day away feeling like it's just a dream.. thinking when I wake up it will all be a dream but no it's a reality I allowed someone to steal from me take everything my heart my body my mind my emotions.... I was told everything I wanted to hear and she was also told everything she wanted to hear I can't believe you chose her over me she was worth it and I wasn't she was the one for you and I was nothing to you.... you threw away everything we had for that now I feel like committing suicide or killing you you don't care about me or how I feel it was all about you my first heart break will stick with me for the rest of my life I will always remember the pain the tears and most importantly You!!! I don't want to think about you I hate you I hate that I love you and I still love you even after all the fucked up shit you did I hate myself... I am not good enough I am ready to end everything life every tear that falls reminds me that I am not good enough starring at these pills ready to end it all but something won't let me!