Okay..so I’m still in denial about this..But I need to get it out of my system. I had my first child, while happily married in January 2011 (a beautiful girl), I had my second child while cordially separated in July 2015 (a handsome boy). While I was pregnant, I talked to God quite a bit as this was a HUGE surprise (conceived the night before my now ex moved out..after TTC for 3yrs) and asked if this was my last baby. The answer, always seemed to be “no”. Fast forward to now. The last 18 months I have been diagnosed with several chronic conditions, been in & out of the hospital, and my endometriosis has returned. My body is weary and trying to recover. I KNOW getting pregnant would be a mistake (hence why I am on the Depo shot.) And I haven’t had ANY baby fever since the birth of my son..usually baby fever starts about 6mos after I have a baby or a miscarriage (I have had 8 of those). But suddenly, within the last two months, the baby fever is rampant. Most likely due to the fact that 3 of my friends just had babies over the summer and that I turn 35 today. I know risks go up after 35, not to mention I’ve had 2 pregnancies with pre-eclampsia & 2 premature babies. Plus, the aforementioned RPL. My body (most likely) couldn’t handle a baby right now and going through another loss is not something I can contemplate. I guess I just wanted these thoughts out there. I always thought I’d have 3-4 kids until my ex destroyed that. I’m not actively trying or anything..but there’s just that little thing called hope in the back of my brain..Hope that I find an amazing man, hope that my body gets better, and maybe hope that I can have one more baby. Only God knows..