So I woke up this morning to an unpleasant visitor/surprise (as I wasn’t supposed to start for three more days).

Unfortunately, it ruined my undies (which is totally fine, they’re old anyway) and upon first glance, I thought I had narrowly escaped getting it on my husband’s favorite Star Wars PJ pants.

But I didn’t. The Darth Vader’s in the crotch were soaking wet. Which would also be fine if the pants were all black, but the helmet has a lot of white highlights on it, and the pants are just a repeating pattern of his helmet.

So I finish cleaning myself up and putting my cup in, and I’m absolutely panicking, because THESE. ARENT. MY. PANTS. I CANT JUST BLEED WHEREVER I DAMN WELL PLEASE AND NOT GIVE A FUCK. He doesn’t even wear PJs, but he likes to lounge in them, and these are his freaking favorite pants. And I wear them all the time and I’ve always had this foreboding feeling of “it’s going to happen some day. I’m going to fuck them up one of these days that I choose to wear them.” So I’m running around in my panties trying to figure out WTF I’m going to say to him or do about this stain.

So I rip the pants and panties off, fling the panties to the tub because who TF cares about a pair of panties when I can buy a package for $8, and these pants were $20. I immediately ran the five large spots under cold water and grabbed our dawn dish soap. I scrubbed the pants with cold water and Dawn for like ten minutes, and finally they started to look like a tan/off white.

So I flipped the pants back to the right way (I was working on the inside of them since that’s where I bled first and the worst of it was) and started working on the other side. After two minutes, you couldn’t even tell I had bled all over them. I feel so motherfucking accomplished and now they’re drying.

Anyway, the lesson is that if you bleed on something, take it off and run it under cold water with Dawn dish soap because it gets everything out and it’s my freaking hero right now.

Stay gold, Ladies.