I just can’t anymore

I’m not going to hurt myself, let me start by saying that. I’ve struggled all my life with being suicidal and haven’t ever been able to go through with it. Maybe I’m just to chicken or maybe I just can’t hurt the ones I know truly love me that much...

On that note I am struggling so badly with suicidal thoughts lately. I just feel like I have no purpose. The one thing I want most in life is to be a mother and my body refuses to even let me have that. Third pregnancy is yet again a fail 😭 nothing seems to overall be going right in my life and this is just the icing on the cake. I don’t know how to get the thoughts to stop... all I want is to sleep or disappear.