So I went out with this boy, he’s a year younger than me and has a past of cheating so I tried it but I realised I didn’t trust him and dumped him. He was cute but clingy and as it was so soon it freaked me out and it was way too much. He then ended up joining my school and I knew everyone in the school so when he told me he had a surprise for me damn was he right I wasn’t expecting him to move at all. We stayed friends and with my ex before him we had the friendship before the relationship and you really do need that bond. Also it was soon after I got my heart broken by my ex so I didn’t want to lead on this other boy as well. I’ve known this boy since primary and his dad lives around the corner from me so i was always with him, his brother and dad they were like my family especially with the fact I have a lot of issues with my own and they always welcomed me and made me feel like it was my home as well. His dad has always said im a little bossy but im strong motivated and don’t let anyone walk over me and his son needs someone like that but also that cares for him and doesn’t take advantage that he is quite sensitive. He isn’t my type at all. So I’m really confused , he’s attractive and he always puts a smile on my face on matter what. I’m happy enough to sit on silence as long as it’s in his presence, as the months went on I started to catch feeling and I wanted to make sure and we always were flirty friends. Then he told me he had a girl so I took a step back and didnt tell him how I feel. As i thought it wouldn’t last long as I’ve known him all my life. A few months later he was round mine with my friend and his , my friend ended up telling him how I felt and he turned me down for his girl even though he breaks up with. Her to get with other girls. So that really hit deep and then his friend tried to get with me and as I liked my ex I wasn’t interested at all. We were basically inseparable. He’s like a part of me. He did cheat on his girl wit me but I pushed him of me as soon as I remembered about her. As I want to travel his dad said to his son during dinner what are you gonna do while she’s traveling and he said I’ll go with her and I guess I let my doubts get the better of me and even though it’s been over a year later I miss him sooooo much and I have depression and cos he used to turn up at my house randomly I had a reason to get out of bed and since I haven’t seen him for 5 months it’s broken me. And I’m usually this strong person and for me to depend and actually have a soft spot for someone is a big deal I’m cold heated and heartless to be frank. I don’t know if he is still with this girl. I messaged him a month. Ago asking if we’re ok and everything and he replied with there is no bad blood between us we just went down our different paths and I made new friends and he didn’t know them so he let me do my thing. I don’t really see them anymore anyways but there’s a party Saturday and he will most likely be there and I want to talk to him but i also want him to see me having a good time and for him to approach me. I think back and realise all the cute stuff and hints he gave me and I was so ignorant and didn’t realise at all. I would be willing to open up to him even more than I have in the past but I’d need to know that’s what he wanted as if these feelinfs havent gone away after not seeing him for 5 months will they ever? Yes he’s cheated in the pat but he’s always been upfront with who he is dating or done stuff with. Even if it’ll make me mad cos they’re my friends and as he told me i respect that as were only friends and he doesn’t need to at the end of the day. I was really insecure with the way I looked and he was the main person who gave me the confidence to not have to wear make up. So I’ll always be thankful and grateful for that. Around where I live there’s some beautiful houses and he said that we’re gonna make it and we’ll end up here one day. And he’s said all this cute stuff while he’s with his girl so I think he doesn’t love her but he doesn’t wanna leave her as he knows I won’t go there but Ive changed my mind and he’s not aware of this. He may be afraid I’ll hurt him again which is completely understandable and I didn’t realise how much I did/could’ve hurt him like his friend told me i broke him but i didn’t see it until I heard the song I fall apart by post malone and then I saw everything from his perspective and ever since I realised I felt so bad and just want to make it up to him. But idk if he’s willing to give me the chance. With every relationship there is a risk and I’m willing to take it now and he knows me better than anyone else. And he always stood by me until now. My nan who sadly passed away would’ve loved him, my parents, my parents friends, my best friend all love him. All I know is I need him in my life and I just don’t know how to get him back without seeming like I need him even tho I do but I don’t want him to know that.. I am quite closed off and I don’t open up and i am willing to just have a deep convo about it but I don’t wanna do that and then he just says no i dont wanna know. But my best friend goes to school with him and apparently he asks about me to her and he took her phone a week ago and was telling people to add him on snap and my best friend was covering her face and he was like why you doing an (insert my name here) so clearly I’m still on his mental. But as i made the first move by texting him , I don’t want to go up to him at the party if he’s there. I also text him last week asking if he was busy and he didn’t reply so I tried to call him and it just went straight to voice mail so I’m not sure if he’s blocked me but I know for a fact he is easily influenced and if he can avoid conflict he will so if he’s still with his girl and she said delete or block her I think he would as we haven’t seen one another in soooo long , what do you guys think?