Hello. First time mommy here. Baby girl is one month old. I was previously on lexapro before pregnancy for anxiety and mild depression but got off it to get pregnant. I really didn't want to get back on it after pregnancy. I guess I have this idea in my head that I am a weak person or a horrible mommy to feel like I need help from pharmaceutical drugs. But I sometimes feel out of control of my own feelings. I feel this sense of dread sometimes from no where. It makes my stomach drop and makes me nauseated. The kind of feeling you get sometimes right before an awful thing happens. I also have a lot of anxiety when it gets close to bed time for fear of my baby not waking up (a family members baby died in her sleep 4 days after my daughter was born). I also keep getting this feeling lately that makes me wanna sit in a corner and cry. I feel like my daughter likes every one else but me. She smiles at my mother in law, my husband, other family but only seems to smile at me by accident. I feel like my husband is better at caring for her than me and it makes me feel like "what good am i" "do they even need me?" Not in any suicidal ways but it just breaks my heart. is this postpartum depression or anxiety? should I get on medication? are these feelings normal? how do i better bond with my baby? do you ever grow out of the feeling that you're a bad mom even though you're trying your best?