I'm posting anonymously for help.

I had twins 4 months ago (first time mom), and I'm in a fairly good marriage of 4 years (been together for 8). However, after the births, suddenly out of nowhere I start remembering old, fond memories of a boy in university 10 years ago who I always wished I could have dated. I was too shy and lacking in confidence back then, although I knew he wanted to date me, and I really wanted him so badly. I let the chance slip by, and I always felt it was a mistake.

I had "forgotten" about him for a decade until after giving birth recently! I don't know why I'm obsessed with him again now, but it's consuming me. I think of him constantly...all day almost. I miss him. I regret not getting into a relationship with him. It stings...the pain of regret and longing.

Of course he isn't a reality anymore...he is married now, and we live in different parts of the world living our vastly different lives. I checked his FB recently (but we haven't communicated in a decade). He's as gorgeous now as he ever was, and he's so successful, and he has fulfilled all his career dreams already. Meanwhile I feel I'm just an unsexy stay at home mom. I'm 31 and already expired.

I wish he'd message me, but it's insane to think he would. I know I'll never hear from him again for the rest of my life....it hurts. Yet I still obsess over the beautiful memory of him.

This all began right after giving birth...and it has been a constant pain for 4 months. It's not letting up. I have no idea what to do to heal my heart and "re-forget" him. Why is this coming up NOW? I can't concentrate and be 100% in the moment with my babies. There's no way I can tell my husband I suddenly miss (obsessively yearn for) an old college crush. There's no way I can tell or talk to anyone about this...but the memory and obsession just stings me inside so bad everyday.

Please give me any kind words or advice. I'm hoping some wise soul on this app will respond. I hope I explained my situation well enough.