Not looking for advice or sympathy, just need a place to rant.

November 13th, I had my 2nd laparoscopic surgery to remove Endo to give me and the hubby a decent shot at starting a family.

Just today, December 1, I found out my dad has stage 4 cancer. Rapidly spreading up the right side of his body. Femur, kidney, liver, lungs. Not terminal, but a long roads to recovery. Chemo is inevitable, organ transplant is a strong possibility.

I just abso-fucking-lutely hate both diseases. (Sorry for the swearing, it’s been my coping mechanism of the day). Here I am, thinking surgery is the worst case to start my family while my dad fights for his life. And to know that my family starting plans have been put hold to give my dad all the attention he needs, possibly including an organ transplant after the new year, gives a new perspective on everything. How can the universes be so cruel? Can my body even survive Endo coming back with an organ donation? Is it worth having kids of my dad won’t be around to be a grandpa, something he’s dreamed his whole life of becoming?

All done now, crying myself to sleep.