Bf [28M] and I [28F] are both getting ready to graduate from graduate school and in the process of hopefully finding jobs near each other. We met in school and have been dating for 2 years. We are both committed to each other. Our relationship started with lots of fights, mostly because we have very different ways dealing with stress in school (he has explosive temper and I tend to bottle up my feelings). But we survived the hardest part of school, have less fights, and I think we understand each other better overall. We both want to have family and kids some days. He joked about it lately and asked if asking my father for a hand in marriage is something important for me. On a side note, my parents have been pressuring me to get married after graduation. Our friends have been asking about it and some are getting engaged/married. At first, I wasn't interested in getting married too soon and wanted to sort our job situation first, but now I kind of hyped myself into getting married and wanted him to propose.

I have always wanted to talk to him about our timeline and wished he would bring it up because I never had the courage to start the conversation (I felt vulnerable, awkward, worried he'll misunderstand and it would turn into a fight). Yesterday, I finally got the courage to casually bring it up. I ask him if he wants to get married someday. Instead of answering it, he asked me if I want to get married and I said yes. He said "yes but I don't know". He got on his computer and changed the subject. In an attempt to be casual, I followed along for awhile and then asked again what he thinks about marriage. He asked me why I asked and if I was starting something (a fight). I said no, I just wanted to know.

I got pretty upset, but, again, on my attempt to be casual, I excused myself and goes to the bathroom. Later that day, I asked him why he responded that way and he said it's because I wasn't satisfied with his answer, secretly judged and attacked him. I apologized for making him feel that way and told him that was not at all my intention. I asked him what did I say/do that makes him feel that way and he said I just did.

At this point, I was speechless, holding back my tears and pretending to play with my phone in an attempt to keep myself together. He then continued to attack me for "ignoring" him and giving him a "silent treatment". I got really hurt, left the room and take a walk. I texted him about how I feel and he apologized.

When I came back he said "are you going to break up with me because you think I'll never marry you?" I said no, I just wanted to talk about it. We stopped fighting and had a nice dinner with his friend later that evening.

Before bed, I clarified my intention for bringing up "marriage talk" and asked him why he reacted that way. He then told me he doesn't think marriage is important. I told him that my conservative parents think it is, so does my career advisor (in terms of increasing probability of finding jobs near each other). He then got angry and said "who cares what your career advisor said". He accused me of being manipulative for bringing that up.

I got really upset, especially after my multiple attempts to be level-headed. I went to bed angry.

The next day, I told him I love him and have no intention on leaving him and simply want to talk about what he thinks about marriage. He finally said that he wants to wait for a few years until we start working, are able to manage our high stress working life and become financially independent. He wanted to be together forever, but would rather wait then rushing to get married.

He didn't get upset like yesterday and said he loves me.

But, I now feel pessimistic and worried. I no longer want to be too invested in this relationship. I am not sure what to do. Part of me thinks he is too immature for me and maybe the only reason we fight less is because we're not currently stressed.

Should I continue finding jobs together with him? Should I lower my expectation and be ready for this to end?

I really want to talk about how I feel and the fact that marriage is actually important to ME. But I can't. I feel like every single time I tried to talk, I failed.

But maybe I should wait and bring this up again in a few months once we get our work placements. Am I delusional for being optimistic?

TL;DR My multiple attempts to casually talk about marriage timeline with my longterm bf ended up in fight and him accusing me of being manipulative. He then said he wants to wait for a few years and doesn't think it's important. I no longer feel comfortable talking about the fact that it is important to me and not sure what to do next.

plan b pill