Guess I’m just posting to rant cause my husband won’t really listen and I have no friends to talk to about it. I have 3 beautiful daughters. Ever since I got pregnant with my first I wished for a little boy, obviously no avail just yet. With my third my pregnancy was very different to I tried not to get my hopes up that it was a boy, but I did and when I was told girl I had a really hard time accepting it. Of course I love her and cherish her, but it was hard. I finally came to terms a month or so before she was born and I think those upsetting feelings i felt during my pregnancy really threw me into that much worse postpartum depression after she was born because I felt guilty for those thoughts. A week after my daughter was born my sister-in-law found out she was pregnant. At her 20 week she found out it was a little boy. It brought back this heartache I thought I’d let go of. As her pregnancy progressed from that point it was really hard for me to be around her for awhile. I know it sounds selfish, and don’t get me wrong I really am happy for her, it was just hard. I worked through it, even was the host of her baby shower which again was slightly bitter sweet, but I’m there. So she’s 38 weeks now, scheduled to be induced Wednesday and I’m getting all these overwhelming feelings again. I don’t get, I want to scream, I don’t understand my own heartache. I keep trying to tell myself if I’m meant to have a boy then someday I’ll get one whether it’s of my own blood or 3 son-in-laws in the future, but it just hurts. I want to show my happiness for them, I don’t want anyone to doubt that, but this heartache is crushing me. 😞