So, ive been seeing my human for 5 months now, this is the first serious relationship ive been in since one I ended in 2015 that lasted almost 3 years.

I already love him so much, havent said those words but i think he knows it.

Anyways, we are pretty damn perfect for each other, i could go into details but don’t want to bore you ladies. But, we have been having one continuous repetitive problem, he asked me early in our relationship how many men ive been with, being honest i told him he was the 14th. (Im 22) Not a number im happy with of course but ive come to forgive myself for it, i always wanted to be with only one person or at least keep it under 6, ive actually cried many times when I reached higher numbers like 10.

It was a dark time in my life, was influenced by alcohol often, and friends who slept around even more than that. It just so happened that i met him very soon after i pulled myself out of that rut. I learned from all of that that I ONLY want one lover, preferably for the rest of my life.

Ive communicated all of these things to him and comfort him and try to talk to out every time he gets in head loops about this, but it’s becoming draining. Weve hit about tge 12th time we’ve “fought” over this and he keeps getting more mean with his words, i try so hard to stay calm and reassure him im done with that weird phase of my life and want to be with him as long as he lets me. But his words sting so much sometimes, he can be the biggest sweetheart, telling me hes so happy to be with me, saying he wants me to move in, taking me out to dinner, kissing me all over and staring at me with loving eyes. And yet somehow he can go to barely even looking at me, ( he had to go on a work retreat this weekend, so the night before i dressed in lingerie while he was in the shower Nd waited for him on his bed, he came in and looked happy but fake happy, i started giving him a bj doing everything he likes and he was barely getting hard and staring off in the distance, while usually his eyes are on my the whole time and he usually gets hard if i just kiss him) so i knew he was in a bad head space, so after making him talk about it, same subject like always, ive run out of things to say. And i just want to defend myself at this point. What made me bolt up and try to leave was that he said “i bet theres better girls out there who haven’t slept around likethat” and i started grbbing my things, he stopped me and grabbed my keys, while i started crying hysterically, he cn be so mean.

We partially resolved that, he said he knows he needs to forgive and forget even though i havent done anything to him to hurt him (he actually owned up to having phone sex with 4 separate girls within the first couple months of us being together, which i forgave) and he apologized, just like every time before. So here i am at his house, watching his dog for the weekend, not knowing what to so but very worried and anxious that he’ll somehow find a girl on his retreat and hurt me more.

We both have plane tickets to

Meet eachothers families this Christmas btw.

Rant mostly over, i just dont know whatto do, i know we can work together so well, it has so much potential.

Thanks for reading, any suggestions help. 😶