Why? I need to vent (long post)


On October 3, 2017, I found out I lost my baby. I was 10 weeks. On October 4, I had a D&C.; I was feeling okay, I cried when I needed to but I was generally okay. I felt it happened for a reason and there was nothing I did to cause it. About 10 days later, I found out I had a partial molar pregnancy. There were moles (tumors) on the placenta that overtook the fetus and the egg was fertilized by 2 sperm causing the fetus to be severely deformed. There was no chance of the pregnancy lasting. It was hard losing my baby and even harder to hear the tumors are precancerous. I have been getting blood work done every week since then. My HCG is going down which is a good sign. But today, I saw a post on Facebook that destroyed me. My husband’s cousin is pregnant. Now I have been happy for each person that has announced their pregnancy or birth of their baby. I hold no hard feelings for most people like that. But my husband’s cousin is the third one in his family that is currently pregnant. What hurts me about all of his cousins being pregnant is, I don’t feel they deserve it. One is a diabetic who can’t take care of herself, one is addicted to meth, and the one I saw today shouldn’t be allowed to have more children. This will be her third. Her first 2 have different fathers. The oldest ones father used to beat the mother, she stayed with him for a while though. Her second daughters father is currently in jail. She recently got custody of her daughters back after one of her random boyfriends beat her youngest daughter so severely, she finally had to seek medical care. When they went to the hospital with her, the doctors found her ribs broken and her arm. Her ribs had healed over from previous breaks that were never treated. She was about 1 year old and her mother left her pain because this guy was a good f*** and cheap drugs. Now, she’s bitching on Facebook about all these guys that owe her money and how she can barely feed her kids and so on. And today she posts she’s pregnant. It was like a kick in the stomach. Me and my husband have been together 11 years, married almost 2, we have one daughter and were ecstatic to have another baby. But we lost her. I know life isn’t fair but I wish it was a bit more fair. Why did I have to lose my baby and all these people who shouldn’t have kids, are popping them out? It’s so hard.

If you have read through this, thank you. I just needed to vent and I can’t vent like this to my husband.