Sex & Relationships
From relationship goals to sex advice: if it's about sex or relationships, share it here.
It's easy to judge
So, I was "that whore who was sleeping with" someone's husband/boyfriend/ etc more than once. There are a lot of "he cheated on me with some whore" posts pretty much everywhere. I wanted to give the other perspective, and maybe if there are other "whores" out there you can too.
So I confess.
1. Her and her friends picked on me every day at school. They made fun of the way I dressed and the way I looked. They called me a slut and a whore because my clothes were too short (between being really tall, developing from an a to a D in 2 years, and growing really fast my single mom's budget couldn't keep up). One of their guy friends tried to invite me to a party. She took the invitation out of my hand, tore it up and threw it back in my face. She said "Ew she's disgusting why would you invite her? She'll probably give you some nasty disease!!!" And everybody laughed. I ended up going out with her boyfriend in secret. I knew he was with her, but I hated her. So I didn't care. He finally decided to tell her the truth in front of everyone, on the quad, at lunch hour. I laughed my butt off while she fell to the ground in tears.
2. My friend flunked out of college and his parents kicked him out. I let him sleep on my couch because I was working 14 hours a day and it was good to have someone guarding the house so it wouldn't get robbed. He came down with an infected tooth and got really sick. While he was in the hospital his gf called his phone every half hour. I called her back and said he was sick. I invited her to come by and take care of him, he'd probably appreciate the help. She kept on calling until he answered, two days later, with his mouth swollen to the size of a baseball. I could hear her screaming at him "You move in with some f'ing whore and now you're sleeping with her" etc went on for an hour, loudly. He was almost too sick to stand up. I stole his phone and said "seriously? You never come over. Why don't you get to know me before you make baseless accusations? Would you rather he sleeps on the street?"
She hangs up and CALLS him BACK. He repeated what I said and she screamed "id rather you were on the streets than living with some WHORE!!" .... well damn. I always thought I was a background actress and customer support rep for a pizza place but whore was my job after all.
I slept with him. It seemed to be what she wanted.
3. He started dating us both at the same time. I only found out when she sent him a message "happy three month anniversary!" On our shared computer (we were renting rooms in the same house when he met). I messaged her back and told her about me. She called me a "whore" and "the other woman" ... we had been dating him for the same period of time. She decided to meet up with me and started crying "he said you were old, pathetic, and ugly but you're beautiful and young!" Ended up literally crying on my shoulder. He told me she was just a friend, too fat and ugly for him to ever be with so he was just a massive liar. We confronted him together. I dumped him, she didn't. He cheated on her with the next 7 girls. He and I are still friends. You can't turn a dog into a man, you just have to accept it as an animal.
If you heard only their side of the story, that evil whore who stole their man, then you'd be up in arms against me. I've had people walk up to me on the street making threats. I've had people start actual Facebook hate groups lying about me hoping to get me threatened or attacked. Other girls have always wanted to shove me to the sidelines. I don't think I'm even remotely as pretty as they do. Neither do men! They mostly just ignore me!
But I honestly think, and hope anyone hears me out, that in some way, its we women who are asking some men to cheat. By constantly hating on eachother and making up stories about eachother in our heads. If I had had ONE friend I wouldn't have needed a guy's attention so badly in high school. The one time I made a "friend" (while still a virgin who had never even kissed a boy) it turned out she was just pretending to be my friend so she could make up lies about me and spread them through the school. As my "friend" she knew EVERYTHING about me.
I'm not "some whore". Ive been in 5 relationships. In the past 15 years, Ive been in two. I don't go out clubbing in mini skirts, lurk in bushes evilly cackling, or spend my life plotting my next boyfriend-stealing scheme. But every "whore" I've ever met was lonely and needed someone to be there for her.
The worst thing you can do to your relationship is refuse to be there for another girl. To make yourself look like the wicked stepsister to her Cinderella. Guys grow up with the same fairy tales we do. The one time I was cheated on, the guy said he did it because I reminded him of the cheerleaders who made fun of him in high school, and he wanted to "take me down a peg". The girl wasn't prettier, or smarter, or better than me. He didn't think she was. He just wanted to hurt me, and (when I was an immature child) I didn't help the situation by making jokes about her clothes, life choices, and the way she looked every time I saw her.
We're so good at blaming ourselves for everything, I wasn't pretty enough, I didn't give him enough sex, me me me. Everything is about me. We don't even consider the way we treat others: as long as we look pretty, we're okay. And that is extremely unfortunate.