I’ve written so many draughts of this in my head I don’t even know where to begin. My husband and I have been together 6 years and married almost 3. We have a little boy who is the absolute light in my day.

Throughout our relationship he has had issues with sex. He has found it difficult to have an erection or even be turned on. Before we got married we had a counselling and CBT and we were getting on well.

We moved away from his home and lived with my parents for a while but things were good. We were having relatively regular sex, enjoying it and our relationship otherwise was good. I got pregnant and we moved into our own home we bought and we stopped having sex. Stopped having any real intimate connection at all. He said it was weird for him when I was pregnant so I accepted that. Then it was that the baby was in our room, accepted that. Now it’s that he’s so anxious about it he doesn’t want to even think about it. I’ve tried revisiting the stuff the CBT counsellor did with us but he says he is up for it and then refuses. Still almost a year after our son was born nothing has changed.

On top of this, he has just changed in general. He doesn’t help me around the house, he caused me a lot of anxiety when our baby was born because one person told him a baby sleeps for 16 hours a day and our son wasn’t a sleeper. I asked him to do anything and most of the time it’s a chore. He gives my dirty looks and complains.

He doesn’t care if our home is clean and think I’m ridiculous about wanting to clean the house once a week and told me once that he was insulted that I would choose to clean the house instead of spend time with him when all he does is sit on his mobile phone when we do spend time together.

There have been issues with him hiding money from me and lying about things that caused me to take our son and leave for a week earlier in the year and we discussed these problems then and he still hasn’t changed. The money thing is a non issue now as I manage the money and we have an equal amount for ourselves every month.

He has health problems and does nothing to ensure they don’t deteriorate even though I do everything I can to my own detriment to ensure they don’t get worse.

On top of all this he has had problems with his job. He was basically forced to leave his job when our son was born leaving him unemployed for a month. When he got a job it was long hours, very far away and caused problems between us because he was never home and when he was he wasn’t interested in me our our son. He recently got a new job that seemed too good to be true but they have let him go through no fault of his own. I know This is hard on him and he feels low and helpless about it. I am having to go back to leave early from my maternity leave in order to make ends meet. He is looking for work but doesn’t seem prepared to go and do a temp Christmas job to help.

My dad thinks I need to tell him to go. My mum knows I’m at the end of my patience and I’m slowly dying inside. My best friend won’t come to visit because she is afraid she will say something she will regret.

I am not perfect in this scenario. I snipe at him, I’m tetchy, I’m moody and have a shorter temper than I ever thought I’d have. I know there are things that he wants me to do but I have no more. I am trying to make Christmas happen, organise going back to work, make sure our bills get paid and keep our home together.

At the end of it all I love him. I love him so much. I don’t want our marriage to end, I don’t believe in divorce unless there’s desperate circumstances. I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep having the same conversation with him. I can’t keep being let down. Im so scared that when I go back to work I will have everything I do now to do, plus work full time.

I don’t really know what I expect any of you to say but anything is better than nothing. Thank you.