I feel my efforts of trying to be the "perfect" Mom is interfering with me ACTUALLY being my kind of "perfect."

Ok, no such thing as perfect I know, hence the "". I just spent the last year trying to listen and follow every piece of advice (within reason) thrown at me. When instead I now regret not following my heart. Sure I have 2 healthy, loving 1 year olds...but I bust my butt trying to make sure things are "perfect" that I feel like I lost a lot of 1 on 1 time...well 2 on 1 time.

Even getting a small bit of advice on here turns into 50 different things I NEED to do. I gave my kids a smash cake and felt guilty because of the sugar! I literally felt bad for giving my 1 y.os a cake on their birthday?!? They hardly eat any junk food, 1 baby has been sick...once. They didn't go out of the house for the first 2 months, I feel the need to keep them away from what seems like EVERYTHING. I worry about everything, I disinfect everything, The only drinks they've ever had was breastmilk (until I could no longer), formula, milk and water. Sometimes I stand behind them worrying they'll fall. I call the nurses line maybe a little to much, my sister's probably getting sick of being my "baby guro". They've only worn shoes for maybe 2 hours Total. I don't give them as much credit they deserve, one time my MIL left the stair gate open and my daughter made it up half the steps before anyone realized she was gone....I obviously know it's not safe but it's just a realization that they ARE capable of doing more. They no longer need me to help them as much.

I guess this post is my way of saying "I'll keep them healthy, I know what it takes but I'll be stepping back a bit and letting them figure things out. I'll be the one deciding if it's ok for them to have a sip of juice, I'll be the one to say "give them a fry."

I can no longer and will no longer follow every rule in the book because my Mom and every other Mom I know were also "rule breakers." I'll be enjoying life with my 1 y.o twins! It's time for me to stop acting like a FTM and start acting like the Mom I want to be. ✌