It’s been heavy on my brain and idk what to say to him


About 3-4 years ago my BF and I had broke up for a few days and I went to hang out with one of my ex’s and we were drinking and one thing lead to another and we ended having sex which was only like 10mins. so after me and my boyfriend finally got back together a week later I told him what happened and he got really mad and we argued and didn’t talk for 2 days. So fast forward to September 2017. The 10-17 of September we went on a cruise and we didn’t have sex until he said something about it so he asked me to let him play with it and that’s was it I said okay cool idk so he did that and he decided that he wanted more than that so we did it doggy style but he only pumped me two or three times and came and he said he was wore out and I was like okay so I washed up and went to sleep. Then a week after we came back from the cruise we on the phone and he randomly brought up that we didn’t have sex but that one time during the cruise and I was like you didn’t ask me and I know you don’t like doing like that and you act like you don’t want to when I ask so whatever. Oh and mind you we aren’t living together because we are getting a house. Anyways he says “You know I could have kept going right?” And I said what are you talking about? He says “ when we had our “quickie” on the cruise. I just didn’t do it just to see what you were going to do since you so called like quickies”. So I said so you are still mad about that really dude like come on we weren’t together so It shouldn’t matter and we have had arguments about sex in the past because when I ask he comes up with every excuse he can find and it pisses me off but he can find time for other stuff but not me when I need his pleasure. But if I say no that becomes a issue. Ever since he said that I really don’t feel comfortable having sex with him I feel like he’s punishing me for shit thats damn near bone dust. This has really made me self conscious about my body when it comes to having sex I have even cried about it because it hurts so much and I can’t really talk to him about it because talking to him is like talking to yourself and I don’t believe in wasting my breath so I just suck it up and move on but lately I been wanting sex but I keep thinking about what he said and it turns me off and if I tell him I don’t want to then I’ll be “cheating” when I’m not. What do I say or what should I do. Or am I being over emotional??Sorry for the paragraph 😁