okay so...the weirdest thing happened today. whether it is smart (its not), or makes sense (it doesnt), i have been IN LOVE since i met this guy in july of 2014. ive thought about him EVERY DAY, i kid you not. well we hung out for a while and kinda went out, we eventually hooked up, we spent some time together. he never really took me seriously because i put on such a bravado and really hid my feelings. i was so scared...before id met him i only dated girls.

so finally....last year, i couldnt take it anymore. i exploded and told this guy how i felt after years. he was kind, but he was confused and didnt seem to reciprocate. i was dramatic because i was so upset and said i couldnt be friends with him.

well...his birthday came around a few months after that, i sent him an anonymous birthday present and he figured out it was me. i believe it was within the same week, wed been talking again and i said i missed him and we arranged to hangout.

i was so excited and scared.

we hangout, eventually i make a move to kiss him. id never hung out with him before and not even KISSED HIM. and he rejected me bc hed been seeing someone else. i was devastated. i cried for 3 days straight nearly, i shit you not.

so we dont talk, and about 6 months goes by and he shows up to my job (he didnt know i worked there) with the GIRL HES SEEING. i almost cried at work, it was so hard and we didnt acknowledge eachother.

then another couple months goes by...its memorial day and i stop by a bar he USED to work at. guess whos there behind the bar for an impromptu shift? bingo. we have a moment...he acknowledges when he saw me at work, he grasps my hand from behind the bar and it gave me a sense of closure to know he was okay with me.

fast forward, and his birthday was last november. im a freak, ill admit it, for this one guy and i dont care. i picked him out another birthday present, wrote him a card and sent it anonymously. my number had since changed and i didnt hear from him or see him, but i knew hed know. anonymous gifts are my calling card.

and thats what circles back to the title of my post....a glitch in the matrix. i recently reconnected with the long lost guy that took my virginity. his name is brendon. brendon told me a couple days ago he was getting a new number and would text me in a couple days. today at work...i get a text from the other guy, jason. who wouldnt even HAVE my number. my heart STOPPED. itd been what i had been dreaming of for EVER. i was confused because it said it was brendon in the text....but the contact ID said it was from jason. i thought....he must be fucking with me? somehow he got my number??? So i respond "hi jason." and then i realized the mistake, i realized the texts had gotten screwed up. i restarted my phone and the contacts went back to who they belonged to. the universe PLAYED ME YALL. i was so stubborn i refused to risk my pride again for this dude....and i got tricked into it anyways. i was shocked that after everything he continued on texting me after he discovered it was me. and when he realized it was, he thanked me for the present. he knew it was me without asking 😭😭😭😭😭

hes the only guy ive ever truly wanted and i hope this doesnt burn out and we go back to not talking....my heart cant take it and i cant help but think that this wasnt a coincidence, this was meant to happen. its too WEIRD. anyways....if you actually read this whole thing, yourethe real mvp and i hope the little cornball in you can be happy for me in some way lmao