Found out on December 4th that my child's heart was no longer beating. I should have been 7w5d but measured at 6w3d. Pretty sure my heart stopped beating in that instant too. Had a d&c; two days later after checking one lady time and praying for a miracle that didn't happen.

Thought this Christmas I would be buying baby things and getting things ready for the bundle of joy who should have been arriving July 18th. Instead, I just bought an urn for when we get the little bit of ashes that will be left once we cremate our precious child.

Thought I was doing ok, but my mask of feigned happiness and calmness is cracking more and more each day. People look at you different when you're upset and know that it's caused from the loss of a child, so I try to hide it and just put on a facade so I don't get that horrible look from people. Grief is for at home in the comfort of my husband's arms.

I wish I could stop this horrible pain, the knot in my throat, and the weight on my chest that keeps me from breathing.

We are happy for the life our child did have, however brief it was. He(our child), was and is so incredibly loved. Wish I could kiss his little head and hands. One day.

Here's the urn we picked out. We loved that it was the tree of life.