So, I'm a new mother, my baby girl is 7 weeks old💕 I am with her father, we met 3 years ago and have been dating for 2 years, almost 3 as of February. He asked me how I felt about having children, becoming a wife, moving across the country to a beautiful state and he treated me more than well. I thought I found my golden man. But not long after we moved in together, we moved out of our apartment and into the semi before we bought a house. We currently live in an okay house that we both paid for and to fix. He's dropped me off in my home state on 4 different occasions for reasons I can't even understand. First it was the spark is gone, then I'm unhappy, i can't do this, then I don't want a relationship. But each time hed come back to me and ask me to come back because he missed and loved me. We now have our beautiful daughter. After 2 miscarriages and no support of any kind in those, from him. It was all me and it was something I hope I never have to go through again. I reached 9mo unknowingly, because of no doctor visits because of no ins. I woke up, my water broke and I was completely afraid. I woke him up and told him I needed to go NOW. He rolled over and went back to sleep...i drove myself to the ER and my luck...their system was down...45 minutes of me trying to get someone's attention, explain what happened and trying not to fall because of pain and fear. I finally made my way to a room woth help, got hooked up and spend the entire time alone. contractions, alone, epidural, alone, pushing, alone, and holding my newborn, with no one i knew to help me or talk to or support me. He didn't message or anything until day 2 of my hospital stay, and all I got was "all good?"... This man has a fear of infants so I've been okay with him staying away from her...bht it's weighing down on me. I'm single morning it more than I wanted to. I clean the house, EBF, do the shopping, make my own food when i can get a minute.. But I've recently been visiting my neighbor for support, she's claimed the grandmother roll for emily. And I absalutely love it. And she takes my LO and tells me to take a nap, rest, relax, while she watches after Emily for a little while. And it's so nice... Lately I go there almost daily. Her youngest son has been there, because of a hurt shoulder and he cant work and needs his mom to help him remember his medications and because they're so strong he cannot work or lift more than 40lb. But we've come to know eachother, and he's admitted a crush on me, and love for my little girl. He's held her, helped me with her every time he's there when i am. It's beautiful. I've never been more....idk...it hurts the heart to know her real father will never hold her, she'll never know the feeling. Or sound of his voice until she's old enough for him to get over his fear of her.... But I don't know if I can stay anymore...If I leave I'll lose my chance to be an at home mom and I'll have to trust someone to watch her so i can work, but I have no one to trust but this new guy and his mother. I've admitted my struggle to him as of last night. I like him and he now knows that i ave never left someone because I like someone else, I've always been hurt and dumped...my heart has always Saud never to hurt anyone and give chances. But I don't know what to do. I admitted all of my confusion and struggle with this, to him, and he gave me the first real hug I've received in 3 years and I almost broke down because of the unreal support I've received from him. I feel terrible because I shouldn't be feeling this way about someone else when i am taken...but...... 😥 I don't know...